Eight of me.

All eight eggs survived the freezing process, which was the best news I had heard in ages, the relief was absolutely huge and I was glad the struggle wasn’t for nothing. As happy as I was about this news, I was anxious it wouldn’t be enough and that my dreams of becoming a Mum may not happen with such a small group, so I tried again….. well I got to today and threw in the towel.

To start the process, I had to regulate my cycle, meaning taking the dreaded pill….. the devil in my body’s eyes. I can tell you, we are not pals, because a pal doesn’t give you intense anxiety, make you cry for no reason and cripple your already buggered joints…. all whilst trying my best on placement and juggling uni work. Not to mention the breakouts that even the best facial routine can’t fix and the weight gain….. Magnum’s were on sale ok!! But the main problem, it made my lupus so much worse….. which is such a dangerous game to play with my unstable state.

My parents saw the decline in my physical and mental health first time, but this time it was almost an instant pickup, their Daughter is suffering. Which I am, the pill is causing me grief, I can’t imagine carrying on to start injections next week, I would be a right mess and I can tell you it would not be pretty. So I decided, my health comes first and if I feel like pure shit everyday, its not living, I need to be healthy to focus on uni and get myself where I want to be.

There is a part of me that is worried that I will get to the point of trying for children and regret that I didn’t get more…. but the wise man strikes again… he told me that it won’t increase the chances ten fold, it would only increase the likelihood very slightly, which is true. It pays to listen to your Dad, he comes out with some good advice.

I am not a quitter, I gave it a shot, got my eight eggs and that’s that, because this poor body can’t handle this crap again…. hats off to the ladies who do this for years…. you are my heroes. We will get there, with some of the eggs resulting in babies, or adoption or even using Cienah’s eggs (she’s got better eyes and is smarter anyway, ahah), but we will get there, one way or another.



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